Frustration

"you think i'm unkind
but people aren't the way you think they are
they can't remember all the time
what it was you wanted
. . .
you think i'm mean 'cause i call you out
you don't know what you're about
the worst part's almost over now"

In the last roughly two months of travel I have met many people, both other tourists from all different countries and local people in the countries I have traveled through. Some people I like more than others, some people I want to travel with, others I don´t, some people I am very comfortable with, others I am a little uncomfortable with, but all have been worth meeting and none have been terribly problematic. Except for one. Please excuse me while I vent.

In Pisaq, Peru, which is a small town in the Sacred Valley near Machu Picchu, I met a Venezuelan man currently living in Miami. We had lunch together and had an interesting and enjoyable time talking about life in the U.S., politics, and so on. Later, back in Cusco, Iran into the same man. We arranged to meet up for coffee later on in the evening.

While having coffee that evening, Luis met a French woman and invited me to come to her table to join the conversation. Now, before I continue, I want you, dear reader, to forget that I have mentioned this woman is French. I mention it for two reasons: because you would undoubtedly be curious and because I feel that it is important to point out that she is from a first world, western culture. Now forget that she is specifically French. I don´t want this to be a criticism of the French, as I have met many very nice French people while traveling.

Luis and close-minded, naive, childish, middle aged, new-age hippie woman, or Aelfreda as I will call her, where having a conversation about meditation or something quasi-spiritual which I therefore have no interest in. Luis had just returned from somewhere in the hills where he was taking part in rituals with some sort of hallucinogen, so he was really interested in Aelfreda´s meditation. However, as soon as I arrived, the conversation quickly changed to travel, tourism and foreigners. I didn´t talk much, so my mere presence incited this change in topic. Whoops.

Now, I have no problem with constructive criticism of the United States -- I do it all the time; however, I do have a problem with unfounded, nonconstructive, nevertheless serious criticism of the U.S. by a foreigner. Aelfreda talked about how she had finally "discovered" herself as a person, found her true love, was finally living life for herself, bla bla bla. In short, she was claiming to have figured out how to be a "good", "happy" person -- whatever that means. She then goes on to tell me that she gives every new person she meets a fair chance. She then immediately follows with "but I hate 99 % of the Americans I meet" (yes, she knows I am from the States). This doesn´t really give me good odds, does it? Her reason for hating people from the U.S. (a more correct term than "Americans" especially when traveling in South America)? One time she went on a business trip to the U.S. and a local man told her he could take her to a place to buy a big bottle of Tabasco sauce the next day. But then he forgot. That´s right, forgot, as in, she never asked again, never reminded him. That was her reason. I wish I was kidding, but I am not. There are so many good reasons to hate people from the U.S. -- that is not one of them.

I decided that arguing with this woman was futile, and even counter-productive as she would just decide to add me to the 99% of "Americans" she hated. Instead, I calmly explained that one needed to understand cultural differences. She had claimed that a European would never offer to do something and then forget. I find it hard to believe that she knows the nature of all Europeans, or even French for that matter. I explained that in the U.S., people are often more punctual than in South America and that if I didn´t understand this difference and accept it as a cultural difference, I might not like people from Latin America. Luis at this point laughed because he had indeed been an hour late to meet me for coffee. He backed me up saying he was glad to see that I had just waited and not even brought up the fact that he was late. This really didn´t seem to change Aelfreda´s mind.

She said many other things in two hours that were naive, close-minded and often contradictory. I wont bore you with more details. At the time I was talking to her, she didn´t aggravate me too much, but that night, I couldn´t fall asleep because I was so frustrated by her. The next morning too, she was all I could think about. Now, a week later, she still pops unpleasantly into my mind. It frustrates me that I am so frustrated by her. I think I am most frustrated that she believes she is something that she clearly is not. She believes she is open-minded and a productive member of society, but she will never see that she is not. Upon leaving, Luis asked if we had become friends (jokingly, as he could sense the tension). I replied that I had tried. I told Aelfreda that it was nice to meet her and left. What I wish I had said was, "I think you are childish and naive, but I know that you will never realize this and for that reason I feel very, very sorry for you". But of course then I would just be a rude "American".

Because of this experience, I am no longer even going to joke about being Canadian. I am from the United States, dammit, and if you don´t want to give me a fair chance as an individual, that is your loss.